Note: This post had been deleted accidentally by me. I had received a large number of views and comments on the original post, thank you so much for that- it was overwhelming!
Since the write-up is about my daughter, I am re-posting the whole article by using my blog back up.
I have been
wanting to write a blog post since a long time as I am now in the complacency
& sanctity of my own home ; however finalizing on a topic has been the main predicament. If
I have to look at the current affairs, some topics are either religiously
sensitive or politically precarious. So where do I begin…….?? I then look a
tiny human being answering my question with the most beautiful smile- she calls
me amma; she is my daughter, Adhvika.
I realized
there is nothing more important in my life other than Adhvika, that’s why we
call her Thankam after my grandmother. Thankam is her pet name that refers to
the purest form of gold.
She was born
to me on the 5th of Feb, after
a very long and arduous labour; it had
to be an emergency C-section as the baby and I had developed some complications
during labor. I remember being immediately rushed to the Operation theatre
after the mid-wife pulled the emergency bell. I also remember asking one of the
doctors that arrived if my daughter will be fine. The doctor smiled at me and
said- “you will both be fine”. I saw my mother and husband standing in front of
me pale and distraught. I looked at my mother
first, who is a strong and phenomenal lady in all ways; she said-“both my
babies will be fine”. Her words filled me with instant hope and courage. Jithu
looked away, I saw him turn misty; I saw him cry for me and our baby and then
he looked at me and said- “I am there for you Nimmie.”
However, it
was all fine eventually. She was born healthy and beautiful. That day, another
me was born- I graduated to a mother. I held her and looked at her little face
and shut eyes; and then I realized the true meaning of love because I have
never loved anyone the way I love her. I was weak, but felt tenacious.
With motherhood
came a series of emotions- protectiveness, possessiveness, dejection,
confusion, upset and love. In me, I have it all in high proportion. I am
extremely possessive about my baby and get mad at anyone who questions it. I
just tell them- “I made her, she is mine
and I have all the rights to be possessive about her.” Also with motherhood
came various other challenges that needed to be dealt with utmost caution and
patience. Until last year, I used to fix my own schedule and would get mad at
anyone who would try to change it as per their convenience. Now I pee in the time
scheduled by my daughter. She decides my bathroom time, my shower time, my
reading time and my munch time. This
massive change in my life is for my daughter and,I have to do everything right
as I am constantly worrying about negative potentials. My midwife has told me,
I need to be very involved in all the stages of the baby’s growth cause no one
can do it better than myself.
In the olden
days, mothers were carefree as they blindly trusted the older people in the
family with their opinions and experience. Today, the mothers rely on opinions
from expert midwives, medical portals and articles; and the mothers these days
are more confident in looking after the baby cause they are trained to be
confident even before the baby is born by going for birth classes and attending
sessions with midwives. They are not told that they cannot do it, instead they
are told that only they can do it better than anyone. In my case I trust my
mother and mother-in law with their opinions
and conjecture but I also prefer updating myself with the latest way of
parenting which is, looking at stuff online or going for classes.
The biggest
and the massive beauty in having a baby is that the father gets involved in it
too. A father’s involvement is very important cause he needs to make sure if
the mother needs any kind of refuelling in terms of energy or sleep. Jithu has
supported me in various ways like changing Adhvika’s diapers, taking her for a
walk; infact he has even helped me give her a shower. The most beautiful sight
I still have in mind was the way he held her close to his chest and looked at
her in the most affectionate way and I saw a stream of beautiful promises in future.
As a mother,
one needs to make a lot of sacrifices, you cannot be that carefree person you
were before or even say, “oh it’s alright, I can do it tomorrow”; no, your
mind, body and soul will never let you adjourn anything. There will be
sleepless nights, tiring nights, nights when you feel like you have given up;
however, there will also be times when you see your baby roll over on her own,
sit up on her own, smile just by looking at you, take her first steps, call
you- “mother”.
I now
respect and appreciate my mother so much more than before. I am nowhere close
to what she has been for me and my sister. She was a supermom who made sure
everything was in place in our lives. She was our best friend, teacher and
guide. Our lives are a derivation of our mother’s hardwork, sincerety and love;
and moulded with my father’s support. I
remember achan taking us to our first dance class, however it was amma’s
reassurance and encouragement that made us continue with it.
A child will
have many aunts and uncles (mine has a direct aunt,my sister), grand aunts and
uncles, 2 sets of grandparents; but only a single mother and father, and parenthood is a constant battle
that needs to be fought by the parents and in the end, it will all be worth it!
The will be poop-on-your pajama days, vomit-on-your t-shirt days, messy hair
days but like I said, in the end it’s all worth it!
