The Boulevard of Motherhood

Note: This post had been deleted accidentally by me. I had received a large number of views and comments on the original post, thank you so much for that- it was overwhelming!

Since the write-up is about my daughter, I am re-posting the whole article by using my blog back up.

I have been wanting to write a blog post since a long time as I am now in the complacency & sanctity of my own home ; however finalizing  on a topic has been the main predicament. If I have to look at the current affairs, some topics are either religiously sensitive or politically precarious. So where do I begin…….?? I then look a tiny human being answering my question with the most beautiful smile- she calls me amma; she is my daughter, Adhvika.

I realized there is nothing more important in my life other than Adhvika, that’s why we call her Thankam after my grandmother. Thankam is her pet name that refers to the purest form of gold.

She was born to me on the 5^th of Feb,  after a very long and arduous labour;  it had to be an emergency C-section as the baby and I had developed some complications during labor. I remember being immediately rushed to the Operation theatre after the mid-wife pulled the emergency bell. I also remember asking one of the doctors that arrived if my daughter will be fine. The doctor smiled at me and said- “you will both be fine”. I saw my mother and husband standing in front of me pale and distraught. I looked at my  mother first, who is a strong and phenomenal lady in all ways; she said-“both my babies will be fine”. Her words filled me with instant hope and courage. Jithu looked away, I saw him turn misty; I saw him cry for me and our baby and then he looked at me and said- “I am there for you Nimmie.”

However, it was all fine eventually. She was born healthy and beautiful. That day, another me was born- I graduated to a mother. I held her and looked at her little face and shut eyes; and then I realized the true meaning of love because I have never loved anyone the way I love her. I was weak, but felt  tenacious.

With motherhood came a series of emotions- protectiveness, possessiveness, dejection, confusion, upset and love. In me, I have it all in high proportion. I am extremely possessive about my baby and get mad at anyone who questions it. I just tell them-  “I made her, she is mine and I have all the rights to be possessive about her.” Also with motherhood came various other challenges that needed to be dealt with utmost caution and patience. Until last year, I used to fix my own schedule and would get mad at anyone who would try to change it as per their convenience. Now I pee in the time scheduled by my daughter. She decides my bathroom time, my shower time, my reading time and my munch time.  This massive change in my life is for my daughter and,I have to do everything right as I am constantly worrying about negative potentials. My midwife has told me, I need to be very involved in all the stages of the baby’s growth cause no one can do it better than myself.

In the olden days, mothers were carefree as they blindly trusted the older people in the family with their opinions and experience. Today, the mothers rely on opinions from expert midwives, medical portals and articles; and the mothers these days are more confident in looking after the baby cause they are trained to be confident even before the baby is born by going for birth classes and attending sessions with midwives. They are not told that they cannot do it, instead they are told that only they can do it better than anyone. In my case I trust my mother and mother-in law  with their opinions and conjecture but I also prefer updating myself with the latest way of parenting which is, looking at stuff online or going for classes.

The biggest and the massive beauty in having a baby is that the father gets involved in it too. A father’s involvement is very important cause he needs to make sure if the mother needs any kind of refuelling in terms of energy or sleep. Jithu has supported me in various ways like changing Adhvika’s diapers, taking her for a walk; infact he has even helped me give her a shower. The most beautiful sight I still have in mind was the way he held her close to his chest and looked at her in the most affectionate way and I saw a stream of beautiful promises in future.

As a mother, one needs to make a lot of sacrifices, you cannot be that carefree person you were before or even say, “oh it’s alright, I can do it tomorrow”; no, your mind, body and soul will never let you adjourn anything. There will be sleepless nights, tiring nights, nights when you feel like you have given up; however, there will also be times when you see your baby roll over on her own, sit up on her own, smile just by looking at you, take her first steps, call you- “mother”.

I now respect and appreciate my mother so much more than before. I am nowhere close to what she has been for me and my sister. She was a supermom who made sure everything was in place in our lives. She was our best friend, teacher and guide. Our lives are a derivation of our mother’s hardwork, sincerety and love; and moulded with my father’s support.  I remember achan taking us to our first dance class, however it was amma’s reassurance and encouragement that made us continue with it. 

A child will have many aunts and uncles (mine has a direct aunt,my sister), grand aunts and uncles, 2 sets of grandparents; but only a single mother and  father, and parenthood is a constant battle that needs to be fought by the parents and in the end, it will all be worth it! The will be poop-on-your pajama days, vomit-on-your t-shirt days, messy hair days but like I said, in the end it’s all worth it!