A Stance That Matters...

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I was occupied in a whirl-wind of thoughts when I was going through some old and somber albums that contain beautiful memories of the past. But what enthralled me was a picture of me held in my mother’s arms who was sitting with my late great grand mother and (paternal + maternal) grand mothers. They were celebrating my birth and I could see contentment and happiness in each of their faces. I was fascinated, yet amazed because in some part of our country a girl-child who is an ignominy is considered as a burden on family. Why; because she is not a part of the family. She will get married someday and will belong to a different family. So she is not even entitled to the family property. Why should she; it is the ancestral property which has to be passed on through the male lineage.   I somehow find it very difficult to embrace this assertion which is not cogent to me in any way; maybe because I come from a back ground where females were treated reverentially by everyone in the family.

“Have you ever felt like throwing me into a dump because I am a girl and a burden to this family?” I once asked Dad.

“Not when you were born. But Mom and I sometimes feel like throwing you out of the window when you annoy us every now and then”, said Dad lightheartedly and he smiled, hugged me and kissed my cheek and said “Both my little girls are precious and a gift from god. I will protect you till eternity”.

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I wasn’t rapt by this statement because like I mentioned before, I come from a State where the women dominated the family once upon the time; a State where Matrilineal Heritage was highly prominent and a State where women enjoyed complete freedom without a question being raised. The term “Marumakkathayyam” might be a revelation to some but it has been an affirmative reality in some parts of Kerala for a long time.“Marumakkal” (refers to sister’s children) and “Thayyam” refers to a practice of gifting someone. So the word collectively means inheritance of family property by sister’s children as opposed to one’s own children. Selective importance was always given to the daughters of the family and their children. This system was practiced in various parts of Kerala by the Royal Families, Amabalavasis, Arayars, Ezhavas and Nairs. Marumakkathayam was prominently practiced amongst the Nair clan, where people lived in Joint Families (Tharavadu) and the women took chief decisions regarding family matters and presented firm opinions regarding property, household and political matters.

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I come from a typical “Nair” Background and I have seen the way the elder women in my family uphold themselves during any discussion- they advocate an attitude of elegant confidence and poise. In my mother’s house in Kerala, my great-grand mother used to be the head of the family. She would ensure that all her ideas are executed adequately. During any family event, she would take charge and guarantee that it becomes a huge success. Honestly with brain like hers, she could put the current event managers out of job. If things would go against her expectations, she would give everyone a piece of her mind. I have seen the men in the house trembling under her reprimand. Even in my father’s house I have seen my grandmother taking charge of the whole house very efficiently after grand father’s death. She would look after the household and manage the house proficiently. I have also noticed a certain aura about my grand-mothers… no one had/has the fortitude to double-cross them because they knew how to take care of such an activity.

Marumakkathayam not only refers to a practice of property inheritance by sister’s children but it marked an era where the women in a “Joint family” had the rights to enjoy life just as the men-folk did without any fanciful prejudice. Women had the privilege to provide her identity to her children i.e. whether it’s a boy or a girl, their mother’s surname would become their surname eventually. This meant that a man or woman’s line of ancestry was determined by that of his/her mother’s.

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There used to be many important events concerning women- like celebration of a girl’s first menses which used to be an important occasion down south, especially in Kerala; and the girl is decorated like a bride with older ladies singing and dancing around her celebrating womanhood. Also on the instance of an important cultural festival, involvement of the women was must as their presence was considered to be auspicious and propitious.

Post marriage, a woman was treated with immense regard and respect by her in-laws, like she is the guest of the family. Also in case of any dissatisfaction with marriage, she had the rights to end the matrimony legally.

Today, even though at some places, we do see essences of Marumakkathayam with regards to culture, attitude and customs, “Marumakkathayam” as a practice no longer exists due to enforcement of- Kerala Joint Hindu Family System (Abolition) Act, 1975.  So this brought Nuclear families into picture which were taken care and dominated by the men folk. The women-clan had no say over any issues be it family, household or her children. She was only confined to acting under the orders of her husband.

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Even now, many say that abolition of Marumakkathayam is a boon, but I choose to differ. The major benefit the system contained was the freedom given to woman to co-exist along with the men-folk with an identity of her own and with a freedom to express her opinion gallantly.  This system is non-existent now but quintessence of this idea still prevails across different parts of Kerala where the women –folk have a say over every issue. Even now in various places, a child is still known by his/her mother’s lineage and even now the women-folk gracefully involve themselves in Social & Cultural activities.

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Kerala is a state with high rank of literacy in India, and the women-folk in Kerala are aware about the happenings around the world. Professionally they are involved in every fields of occupation- like teaching, business, transport, media & entertainment, politics and cultural activities.  Women as bus drivers, auto rickshaw drivers and taxi are making a huge impact in the transport industry. They are getting into every possible field and are creating a revolution of change in the perception of people. They are not just developing themselves, but are also helping other women make an impact and a difference. Kerala still has a long way to go and a bright future to see, but they have taken their stride and the step-ladder is still growing.  Was this attitude of advancement eventually inculcated or  is it a silhouette of a culture that was long abolished?

References:

http://indiankanoon.org/search/?formInput=marumakkathayam%20act

http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/679/12/12_chapter5.pdf