My fluttering Butterfly….

 A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~ Unknown

If you have a sibling, you are a lucky dude but if you have a sister then you are luckier, however if you have a little sister- life is a giant feast. A feast with a lot of desserts where unfortunately, we have got to face a little bitter dish here and there; as no cook in this world is perfect. When you eat your perfect dish sometimes u come across tangy stuff, pungent ingredients; you might put aside what you don’t like but you will never abandon your dish because it had an awesome start. That is exactly how it is when you have a little sister in your life. She is sweet, she is spicy she is bitter…but she is yours till the very end.

When I was 2 years of age, I received a gift in a form of a small rotund doll with a lot of hair on her head like a little brown crown....but hey, “she moves!!!” I thought. “She blinks her eyes just like me and she is so fair…her cheeks are as flushed as raspberries…is she mine?? Please tell me I can keep her forever.” said the 2 year old me to mom and dad. They smiled and told me she is mine and that I have to be a protective elder sister and take care of her always. How lovely of them, I thought then…. how smart of them, I think now.

True to my words, I have always been around her, took care of her, played with her and groomed her. She was actively involved in making my life pleasant, participated in all my crimes, and played a lawyer in my defence; but sometimes she was also a reason why I wished I was a single child; as she was very smart in using my tactics against me- the leader who taught her the act.

When we were young, she was as petite as snow and as delicate as a bubble. She wanted her elder sister around when the big boys bullied her, when dad and mom cornered her and when her friends irritated her. Me in akimbo was enough to scare any goon or anything evil from her, that is what she believes unequivocally even now.

As we grew older, life taught me that I need her more than she ever needed me in life. We are from the same set of parents, with the same blood running in our veins with the same upbringing and cultural values instilled. But like they say- no two snowflakes are alike. I learnt that both of us are completely different in absolute different ways and that she always stood by me to support me in all my misery. When I was in 5^th Grade, I was once weeping on the school stairs over an incident, where my friends teased me for my hairstyle. I got upset and ran to the staircase near the school library- Library because, that’s one place nobody visits. Anyway, my sister found out and she came running to me to share a piece of chocolate her friend gave her and saw me crying. She stormed into my classroom and yelled at my friend saying, “well atleast my sister does not have the most stupid pigtails you are sporting. You look like a monkey with those pigtails” and dashed out of the class. She came to me and she said, “If someone has to insult you, it can only be me. I wont allow anybody else to say anything to you”, and she went back to her class leaving me marveling at my 8 year old sister.

You can’t get her eat any chocolate or a piece of cake without her sharing it with me. That’s a must for her. Every chocolate, every piece of cake and every pizza or samosa has a share for me always; even now. On all her birthday parties, she would tell the closest relatives to also get a gift for me. In order to appease her, granddad still wishes us both on both our birthdays. Now even as grownups nothing has changed . All I know is, her love and consideration has only grown for me. She is my little sister but is far mature and intelligent than I am. I am the one who gets cranky and jealous when she is given more importance and then she takes charge and handles my immaturity with epic sweetness. She ensures I am given enough importance as she hates it when I make a big noise about it.

When you look at her, you will notice that she is pretty, she is classy and she is soft; and when you look at me you will see that I am an overgrown baby who is loud and abrupt. She hates is when I don’t maintain a decorum when I am at  public places. She will give me a disapproving look when I would fight with cabbies for fares or when I would yell at a shop keeper in high decibels. Like I mentioned before, personality wise, we are as different as sky and water but as sisters we are as compatible as milk and sugar.

She is my everything in life and has proved to be my coloured butterfly during depression, my angel for discretion and my doll throughout life. No problem remains a problem with her in the vicinity and no damage remains damage, with her chocolaty effect on them. Sharing problems with her gives me a great sense of relief and a feeling as if it’s already resolved. Her smile works as a remedy during misery and medicine during pain. Now she is in the US, pursuing her dream and yea the distance sure matter; but my sister knows exactly how to cover up for everything- Her long messages on how to come out of any issue, her funny recorded skype videos where she pretends to be the 2 year old brat she was once and her virtual kisses and hugs that is comforting more than any reality in this world.  

“You will always be my overgrown, childish big sister Nim”.

“ Pumpkin, you have no idea what you mean to me- my ever fluttering butterfly.”

                                                              

Is Selfie-Craze really a pursuit of Narcissism

Selfiesss!!!!...  A couple of years back it was defined  as  self-portraits; but now it’s synonymous to madness, addiction, self obsession etc etc etc.... ok let me confess, half n hour before  making this post go live, I clicked 3 Selfies in order to admire the shade of my new lip-gloss. I continued clicking pictures till I underway, hated the shade and cursed myself for purchasing the horrid lip-gloss that made me look less classy in the selfies. No, I am not an addict but hey, clicking selfies and later looking at them gives me an external perspective to my facial features and the cosmetic additions made to them; that is my idea. And at times when the image turns out to be surprisingly nice, I upload it on social media to enjoy adulations and praises from the masses. That’s me, not an addict but an enjoyer of self-potraits.

The other day in the train I was noticing a girl sitting next to me, who was clicking pictures of herself with the front camera, totally oblivious to the outer world. On perceiving further I noticed that she was focusing on her pimple (under her nose towards the left) in each of her photograph very creatively. I know this cause, she was zooming in and out of the picture and her main emphasis was on her pimple. I was rapt with this activity of hers. No sooner, she believed to have found the perfect pimple-picture, she instagrammed it and gave a caption which read- “Ohh the damning evil pimple- making me look so dreadful”. This made me wonder, was she clicking a perfect ugly picture of her self; because she didn’t look ugly in any of the pictures.  I have noticed this pretty girl clicking selfies on almost all the days we have travelled together. No, she doesn’t know of me; I have just been a silent admirer of her pictures in a very much less creepy way. The world would obviously call her an addict, a crazy addict; but I won’t as for me, she is a person who respects her face and her pimples and makes the world believe that she looks beautiful even with a pinkish spot on her face!!

Now let’s talk about celebrity Selfie queens who post pictures when they are apparently about to

sleep or have woken up from their siestas. It’s funny how they manage to look drop dead gorgeous even with a “just woken up” look. You should see me when I wake up in the mornings with a face that will make you start believing in demons and banshees….a face that could cure your constipation for ever. As a kid I have always dreamt of waking up gracefully in the morning with slight sleepy eyes and with a messy yet an elegant hairstyle; but that area is only reserved for the little lady butterflies of the film industry. I am sure even when they haven’t pooped for a long time and are constipated, their selfies will make them look like a dream…..so much for being a celebrity I tell you.

I have a friend from work who I won’t name, and she is addicted to clicking selfies but will never post it anywhere. She clicks it for her pleasure and she keeps looking at them at random intervals. I saw her staring at her selfie for as long as 7 minutes continuously. I waited hoping she might look away at some point; but she didn’t and kept staring. As I was madly in need to go to the loo, I had to leave my investigation mid-day.

Now, being a selfie lover myself, I hate the brand “Selfie addicts” given to anyone. Let’s call it an art of loving oneself by admiring the photogeneity in oneself. As long as it doesn’t distrupt the daily functionality of a human being, what is wrong with clicking selfies that tell u a story about you…. Looking at the pictures, you can imagine what, when and how you were feeling at a certain point of time… tells you what expressions make you look like a princess and what make you look like a moron. I have experienced this. Thanks to my selfies, I know what expressions make me look like a retard. There are times when I look at selfies and introspect about my personality by pondering on my activities of the day. For eg: if I have fought with someone on the day I clicked a selfie, I keep looking at the selfie and realize how the altercation-impact has evidently reflected on my face and makes me solicitous about the matter. At times I continue to be a donkey but there are times when I try to accept my mistake with a willingness to change. Yea, all because of a selfie!!!!

 I don’t support the art of clicking selfies with animals, who you otherwise hate, and uploading them on social media in order to make one look like an animal lover with a caption- “me and my poochie pumpalacious. I resent that; but it’s indeed  silly to call a lady who has uploaded her selfie on social media for the world to see. She is sharing a moment of her life…let’s be happy and considerate about that. After all, we all agree that a woman belongs to the prettiest gender on earth; and admiring her beauty is admiring god’s creativity. So, all I am going to tell the Selfie Lovers on this planet is to continue doing what you love, because there is a certain percent of populace on earth, who loves to see the magical you.

Now before I end my blog, I would like to share some selfies of mine with my favourite selfie partners….

1)      The person who tops the list, is Ms Natasha Vinod, my little sister who is 10 times more mature and 20 times intelligent than me. I call her Pumpkin Pasty. This pic was clicked days before she left India to pursue her higher studies in The United States of America. She is my pillar of strength that has always been there for me with her pretty face, ever ready to solve my problems. Her elegant face is the reason in the picture that makes my face look appealing too. J

2)      The second is my Grand-dad, who is an Ex- Military guy with a mustache that defines strength, might and courage. Well, he is definitely all that but more than that, he is the sweetest person on earth. He loves posing for pictures but hates smiling in them. My little old cute-heart.

   3)      The third is Ms Bhat (Siddhika Bhat), I love her for many reasons…the easiest reason being, we had been roomies for 2 years during our MBA course. She is a chirpy little muffin who has been a part of my soul during the whole tenure. At times when we felt we had nothing better to do, we would go on clicking random retarded selfies in order to make our day.

      

       

      Image  Credits: Google

The Brand value of Item Dancers in Hindi Cinema

 I sipped my morning cup of coffee, ruminating and pondering over the past week. I gradually gathered  the week to be bleakly stodgy for women; television actress Gauhar Khan got slapped by a random idiot who claimed to be some moral police, two  sisters from Haryana beat up 3 youth in a moving bus for allegedly molesting them in public- this case is however under sub judice, as higher Law authorities suspect that the allegations are fake, and a Hindu Mahasabha leader went to the extent of branding item dancers in movies as prostitutes and also sought a prohibition on wearing jeans and skirts by girls in schools .

As a country, we are constantly striving for development and growth. Surely, after a certain point we will accomplish the target set for us economically; but somewhere I do believe we need some change in our outlooks as a major step towards development, not just among men but also among women. In Kerala, till date we have a population of 2 lakh people in the Wayanad region (which consists of a huge mass of tribals). The women are dressed in a way that could sound and look very peculiar to our moral police in the otherwise modernized India. They do not wear any blouse with their sarees and most of the time their upper body is exposed to the outer world. Now, these tribals are not making any style statements as they are not aware about Jennifer Lopez , Charlize Theron or the Kardashian Sisters and also do not have the foggiest idea about Munni, Shiela or JalebiBai, but are women who struggle everyday and every night to make a living for their family. Who judges them? Nobody does, why; because that is their way of living and it’s best not to interfere right? My point is, why do we poke our butts in other cases? If women are dressed in attractive costumes in dance numbers, why can’t a normal human being with minimum common sense understand that she is out there to titivate the movie with her talents and is not attempting to invite men towards her? And why are these dance numbers in movies considered so sordid?  Imagine a bleak movie with no songs or dance numbers which is just a story with regular men and women reciting their dialogues and ending it with a moral. Will such movies work? Oh sure, Art Films and thematic documentaries work but hey, we are talking about Entertainment business where beauty and grace of a woman is utilized to make a project work because at times it serves the purpose of marketing the premise and subject of the movie to the mass audience. We have women in the entertainment Industry   who come from respectable family background of Doctors, armed forces, engineers, commissioned officers and politicians who are affirmatively inclined towards art and creativity. We know of people in the industry who have quit their respective professions to join the Industry not only for the money but mainly for their love of art and creativity. How could/can anyone affront their character or choice this way? Why can’t anyone appreciate the beauty and talent and not salivate on their curves?

Most of us who believe in God also know that the Gods and Goddesses often entertained themselves with dance which was originally invented by them. Pre-historically dance was enjoyed and appreciated by the Gods as a means of celebration and amusement.  Feminine grace and movements were treated in a sacred and pure way. Classical performances like Bharatanatyam, Kathak, Kathakali and other dance forms are today performed as worships for the Lords and yet many of these forms illuminate the beauty and grace in a woman.

I think the world will be a better place for women to live if people in general understood the difference between art and seduction. We have paintings that depict women in a certain way; are they promoting vulgarity? No sir, they are putting forth a point, about a definite essence, feeling or suffering of  a woman. Now if all art enthusiasts start getting aroused by the mere depiction of women in a certain way, then we could have a huge concern in Art, as women were/are mainly used as a muse and interestingly since time immemorial, the muses chosen by artists were prostitutes, maids and dancers. Famous poetries talk about love and affection which mainly focus on women and their beauty. Vintage and modern literatures have spoken about love, lust and arousal where both men and women are largely involved. So are we going to put a stop to all this?

I condemn every man and woman who believe that banning dance numbers will make any difference to molestation or rape. Well, it will make a difference, a huge difference but, to the artistic world as it can cause a huge hindrance in the thought process of creativity with the absence of the most beautiful and charming gender  who we call, women!

Image Credits: Google

Honour Killing- A disease without an antidote

We belong to a country where people canopy themselves under the classification of caste, creed, region, culture, religion, income, occupation, ghotra, gender and what not. Where in one hand, India is proud of its rich and varied culture, on the other hand, we have seen communal violence and brawls over religion and caste. I have always believed that it’s this richness and variedness in India’s heritage that is causing people to operate on the differences in all the aforementioned classifications. Now if a girl expresses her desire to marry a boy from a different caste, she is cursed and ridiculed at, not only by her family but also from friends and relatives who wouldn’t even care at any point of time if she is dead or alive.  Let’s take the latest example of “Honour Killing”, the girl belonged to a renowned Yadav Family of Rajasthan and she fell in love with a boy from a Punjabi Origin. They got married against the girl’s family’s wishes and days later her family made her suffer for her “So-called-wrong decision”.

After a child is born and reaches the growing juncture she is instilled, the emotion and spirit of love and compassion. She is taught about the pain caused to plants by plucking leaves or flowers, the agony caused to animals by pelting stones on them, the thought of respecting elders and loving every fellow human being on earth. Love, you teach her all about love and when she grows up to understand love on her own and try to apply her parent’s wisdoms into practicality, she is termed wrong by the society. Why? Because she found love on her own in a different caste, or a different region? If that is so wrong, then she should have been taught to hate every animal, every tree, and every flower on this planet because they don’t even fall into the category of human beings.

When your child is ready for school, you hope that she reaches a stage where she is capable of taking decisions on her own and become independent, and she chooses a man whom she believes is right for her but, she is derided for that choice. Had she chosen a pair of shoes or a dress or a showpiece, she would have been complimented on her independent decision. What is the point of education, sermons and values if she is not allowed to practice the same in reality? What is the point of helping her gain independence if she is not allowed to act independently on her own life?

What does your religion and culture teach you? To train your kids like animals? So that she leads a life of your choice. So when does she get to live her own life?

As a married man or woman, do you or don’t you get attracted to the opposite gender? While some rheostat their inner urges I have heard of men and women acting onto it. They rape, they tease, they indulge and do worse.  When you don’t check the caste and creed of the opposite sex for such ghastly and sickening activities, why do you care so much about the man your daughter has chosen for a holy union, a relationship so sacred? Are you concerned that you will lose your name and reputation in your society? Since when has society become so important than your own daughter? Tomorrow, when you are on your sickbed, who is going to bring you a glass of water, ensure you take your medicines on time or cover you with a blanket when you feel sick? Who is going to give you a hug of comfort and a kiss of reassurance on your cheek? Is it the society or your daughter.  A daughter, whom you brought up with love and care, nourished and educated her till the age of 21… and then you, crushed that flower of yours by strangling her to death.  You told her once, you told her twice but she didn’t listen. Maybe she was hoping deep down her heart that come whatever may, her parents are going to understand her. She never believed in her society, but she trusted her parents. 

She somewhere believed that after sometime her parents will hug her, forget her mistake and accept her decision, the same parents who were actually conspiring murder plans to abolish her from their lives, because their society meant more to them than their own blood!

(Image Credits: Google)

Soaring…flying….bah humbug!!

For my exquisite ladies who believe that being tall is a blessing from the almighty, let me give you a reality check. Sure- traditional clothes look grand on tall girls and putting on weight looks less hideous; but apart from all this, we face serious susceptibilities emotionally, socially and medically. It’s not a cake walk guys….

Image Credits: Google

I faced my first veracity when I was in 3^rd Grade and I saw my maid’s son wearing my favourite "Tom & Jerry" T-shirt. I tried talking to my mother about it, how could she give it away like that?

“Are you cracked Nimmy, that T-shirt looks more like a blouse (worn with saree), exposing your belly buttons and I won’t have you roaming about in that attire till I am living with you”.

“Fine, why don’t you visit your parents in Kerala for some-time”.

“Ha-ha nice try”.

Me playing the bride-groom at a school play

During school days, I was made to sit on the last bench, it sucked! And during our convent school plays, I was always, always...the boy. Yea, there was one time when I played a female role- that was when I played the wicked and evil witch. Otherwise, I never qualified as a woman in any school play. I remember my pretty sister playing a princess, an empress, or a fairy; while I get to be a pastor, a gremlin, a train or a tree. So people around, convinced me that life will be so much better as a grown up.

So, I grew up to be 5’7 inches tall. Ok, I know that’s not very tall but it’s quite tall for an Asian. And life is no better even now. I went for shopping yesterday as I had to purchase a ceremonial shirt. I tried umpteen numbers of shirts but my Mum was not even a least bit satisfied. She said aloud incensed, “Isn’t there anything here that can cover your Bum?”

The shop-guy looked palpably confused and asked, “Ma’am, are you looking for a shirt or an overcoat?”

I can’t even begin to explain how embarrassed I was.

A Maxi-gown looks like a joke on me when I try it on as it barely reaches my ankle. I look like a nomad from the pre-historic era. It is very difficult to get a gown that gracefully reaches till my feet.       

Image Credits: Google

If I have to talk about travelling, the bus rides to any place is an excruciating ordeal especially when the seats are too cramped up. My knees keep getting jounced to the seat ahead and they look like Meat Dumplings when I get down. Not just my knees but my back is taken for a ride too. Ahh that’s the punishment my chicas,  for being obnoxiously tall.

Do you think that’s it? Bwaahahaha there is more…

I get judged at by wearing heels, people look at me like I am wearing somebody’s chest hair on my feet. No seriously, do you think tall girls don’t like wearing heels? We love heels too, it’s not only a mechanism to make you a few inches taller but it gives a certain form of grace and elegance to your walk. Even my Dad has agreed that I walk more lady-like with heels on.

Now I totally like clicking pictures and I am in love with all pictures which has “ME”. But, most of my pictures look funny with my face hovering over my gals like a ghostly orb;  and if it’s one of my little angels clicking my picture, they ruin the masterpiece by cutting me my head off the picture. This is one thing that totally annoys me. If you are not capable to take a complete picture with all my essential human organs then why would you even insist on clicking a picture? But hey, I love you guys.

Image Credits: Google

My mother keeps talking about the issues a tall girl faces while looking out for suitors because many a times we will have to reject proposals only on the basis of height.

Image Credits: Google

Seriously girls, if you have an average height or if you are a little short, don’t blame your parents, god or  destiny, because there is so much you can do and be that tall girls can’t even dream of.  Sure basketball needs huge and strong women but a ballerina looks beautiful when she is petite and poised.  This world offers something for everyone. Realize it, understand it and love yourself and your body more than anything else in this world.

PS: While I conclude this blog, I am trying to fit into the couch at my friend’s place which is barely 5 Feet long. While my not-so-beautiful feet point towards heaven over a pile of pillows and cushions arranged for me, I am hoping for God to kick in some love and positive energy through my toes into my psyche. Amen!

A Stance That Matters...

Image Credits: Google

I was occupied in a whirl-wind of thoughts when I was going through some old and somber albums that contain beautiful memories of the past. But what enthralled me was a picture of me held in my mother’s arms who was sitting with my late great grand mother and (paternal + maternal) grand mothers. They were celebrating my birth and I could see contentment and happiness in each of their faces. I was fascinated, yet amazed because in some part of our country a girl-child who is an ignominy is considered as a burden on family. Why; because she is not a part of the family. She will get married someday and will belong to a different family. So she is not even entitled to the family property. Why should she; it is the ancestral property which has to be passed on through the male lineage.   I somehow find it very difficult to embrace this assertion which is not cogent to me in any way; maybe because I come from a back ground where females were treated reverentially by everyone in the family.

“Have you ever felt like throwing me into a dump because I am a girl and a burden to this family?” I once asked Dad.

“Not when you were born. But Mom and I sometimes feel like throwing you out of the window when you annoy us every now and then”, said Dad lightheartedly and he smiled, hugged me and kissed my cheek and said “Both my little girls are precious and a gift from god. I will protect you till eternity”.

Image Credits: Google

I wasn’t rapt by this statement because like I mentioned before, I come from a State where the women dominated the family once upon the time; a State where Matrilineal Heritage was highly prominent and a State where women enjoyed complete freedom without a question being raised. The term “Marumakkathayyam” might be a revelation to some but it has been an affirmative reality in some parts of Kerala for a long time.“Marumakkal” (refers to sister’s children) and “Thayyam” refers to a practice of gifting someone. So the word collectively means inheritance of family property by sister’s children as opposed to one’s own children. Selective importance was always given to the daughters of the family and their children. This system was practiced in various parts of Kerala by the Royal Families, Amabalavasis, Arayars, Ezhavas and Nairs. Marumakkathayam was prominently practiced amongst the Nair clan, where people lived in Joint Families (Tharavadu) and the women took chief decisions regarding family matters and presented firm opinions regarding property, household and political matters.

Image Credits: Google

I come from a typical “Nair” Background and I have seen the way the elder women in my family uphold themselves during any discussion- they advocate an attitude of elegant confidence and poise. In my mother’s house in Kerala, my great-grand mother used to be the head of the family. She would ensure that all her ideas are executed adequately. During any family event, she would take charge and guarantee that it becomes a huge success. Honestly with brain like hers, she could put the current event managers out of job. If things would go against her expectations, she would give everyone a piece of her mind. I have seen the men in the house trembling under her reprimand. Even in my father’s house I have seen my grandmother taking charge of the whole house very efficiently after grand father’s death. She would look after the household and manage the house proficiently. I have also noticed a certain aura about my grand-mothers… no one had/has the fortitude to double-cross them because they knew how to take care of such an activity.

Marumakkathayam not only refers to a practice of property inheritance by sister’s children but it marked an era where the women in a “Joint family” had the rights to enjoy life just as the men-folk did without any fanciful prejudice. Women had the privilege to provide her identity to her children i.e. whether it’s a boy or a girl, their mother’s surname would become their surname eventually. This meant that a man or woman’s line of ancestry was determined by that of his/her mother’s.

Image Credits: Google

There used to be many important events concerning women- like celebration of a girl’s first menses which used to be an important occasion down south, especially in Kerala; and the girl is decorated like a bride with older ladies singing and dancing around her celebrating womanhood. Also on the instance of an important cultural festival, involvement of the women was must as their presence was considered to be auspicious and propitious.

Post marriage, a woman was treated with immense regard and respect by her in-laws, like she is the guest of the family. Also in case of any dissatisfaction with marriage, she had the rights to end the matrimony legally.

Today, even though at some places, we do see essences of Marumakkathayam with regards to culture, attitude and customs, “Marumakkathayam” as a practice no longer exists due to enforcement of- Kerala Joint Hindu Family System (Abolition) Act, 1975.  So this brought Nuclear families into picture which were taken care and dominated by the men folk. The women-clan had no say over any issues be it family, household or her children. She was only confined to acting under the orders of her husband.

Image Credits: Google

Even now, many say that abolition of Marumakkathayam is a boon, but I choose to differ. The major benefit the system contained was the freedom given to woman to co-exist along with the men-folk with an identity of her own and with a freedom to express her opinion gallantly.  This system is non-existent now but quintessence of this idea still prevails across different parts of Kerala where the women –folk have a say over every issue. Even now in various places, a child is still known by his/her mother’s lineage and even now the women-folk gracefully involve themselves in Social & Cultural activities.

Image Credits: Google

Kerala is a state with high rank of literacy in India, and the women-folk in Kerala are aware about the happenings around the world. Professionally they are involved in every fields of occupation- like teaching, business, transport, media & entertainment, politics and cultural activities.  Women as bus drivers, auto rickshaw drivers and taxi are making a huge impact in the transport industry. They are getting into every possible field and are creating a revolution of change in the perception of people. They are not just developing themselves, but are also helping other women make an impact and a difference. Kerala still has a long way to go and a bright future to see, but they have taken their stride and the step-ladder is still growing.  Was this attitude of advancement eventually inculcated or  is it a silhouette of a culture that was long abolished?

References:

http://indiankanoon.org/search/?formInput=marumakkathayam%20act

http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/679/12/12_chapter5.pdf

Mother sweet mother of mine.....

I had been struggling the whole week to write something that does not sound balderdash. Honestly, I realized that I was running out of ideas. It’s not like I had shared great ideas in the past. They were just feelings I shared from heart.....but my heart is human, it only feels great things when it wants to, otherwise it’s very stingy on thoughts. So when I shared this with mum, she suggested JOKINGLY, “Make something up, anyway nobody reads your blog until you force them too”; but I realized she made sense, and the astute and sly monster within me decided to write something weedy and get away with it. Trust me, I was totally tempted with this idea as I figuratively put people to gun-point and force them to read my blog. Anyway, the angel in me, (oh I hear sniggers- duh I do have an angel within me) decided whether or not my blog is read by anyone, it’s something I do for me, something that makes me proud. I can’t debase the quality of my thoughts. No sir!

So I thought of observing people in the house today. And since my blog is restricted to  species with an XX Chromsome, I decided to spare my dad. My day begins when my maid enters my abode and deliberately enters my room and switches off the fan because she has to sweep the floor; and that’s the glorious way I wake up in the morning and that’s how the world begins to look beautiful especially when I start sweating within 5 seconds after the fan goes off. So my plan was to observe her the whole half n hour she spends with us today; so when the fan went off at the regular time, I woke up in a jerk and stared at her and I exclaimed with a smile, “Today, I am going to observe you because I think you are interesting”. She got alarmed with shock because I was still smiling. I don’t smile in the morning and even if I do, it’s not a pleasant sight. So, she quickly finished her chores and ran out of the house. There goes my blog idea I thought.

Then my eyes fell on the most beautiful human in my life, my mother; a woman, a daughter, a wife and lastly but not the least, my mother. I always believed that, my mother’s life isn’t interesting because all she has to deal with is our life. But for her, her life as a mother means more to her than anything else. “My life is beautiful my child, because I am blessed with 2 beautiful and smart daughters”, says mum. Ok I exaggerated! What she actually said was, “My life is beautiful because I am a blessed mother of 2 lovely daughters, how can I complain about any misery when all I wanted were 2 daughters to make my life complete.” It’s true, my mom is very fond of girls and she had always wanted 2 daughters and she got us. My sister or I were never problematic as children but our life meant a lot of adjustments to our mother.

I remember when I would ever fall down as a child, she would lift me up dress my wound and give me her magical kiss and say, “you have got the magical kiss, you pain will wane in a jiffy dear.” Her magical kiss did have that power to make all my pain fade away and I was already ready to run in the garden again for the next fall.

As a grownup, once I got diagnosed with Dengue and I had to be admitted in the hospital for a month. My condition was really bad but I know, my mom suffered more than I did. She was in despair because of my pain. I know she didn’t sleep a minute during that time, she kept telling me, “I am by your side mole, you will be better because I just gave you my magic kiss”. Even though as a grownup you realize that such statements from parents are actually fantasy avowals meant for reassurance, hearing that from mom during pain, definitely brings Solace. My Father still calls my sister and me his “Little Girls”, it definitely feels great to hear that because it gives you an awareness that things are very much the same, pure and beautiful.

As a teenager, I would have a lot of things to talk and share with mom. I didn’t care how less important or stupid it sounds, for me she had to hear and express an affirmative response. I would run behind her asking her for her opinion on everything and she would always oblige me. For her, my satisfaction is of colossal importance. But in her case, if she has anything important to discuss with me on phone or in person, she always asks me if I have time to hear her out.

Whether it is college or work she always makes it a point to select my clothes for the day. She would arrange  matching accessories with 4 different options along with it. All I had to do was wear what she selected for me and choose a random accessory along with it. I totally need my mother’s expert opinion on clothes before I purchase any, because if she says no, it’s a blatant no for me as well. There are times when I am upset about something that happened at work or a misunderstanding with friends; when I am home and if my face is not right, my mom understands that something is wrong but she doesn’t push it.

“Amma?”

“Yea?”

“Something is wrong. I had a huge fight with Sid. I said something evil”

“I know mole”.

“You do? Did she call?”

“I know it because I know you. You suffer from verbal diarrhea and you are  worst with people you love. Sid is a good friend and she knows you well too, she knows- you said what you said -because you love her . She will be angry today but she will be better tomorrow and things will turn good again”

“It will?”

“Ofcourse Sweety”

“I know, I trust you Amma”.

For my mother, knowing that her kids are doing well is as important as breath to anyone else. I know that tomorrow, come whatever may she will do anything that it takes to bring us happiness. She has said “No” many times to our silly requests, but over the period of time I have only realized that paying heed to her stern “Nos”, have only brought good to us.

You know what friends? Our mothers have dedicated their whole life for us. Even if tomorrow, we have a separate family of our own, she will never break her thread with us. She will always be around to teach your children how to make your favourite sweet dish, tell them your prank stories, hug them when they are sad and let them know that things will eventually settle down. It is, and always has been about you for her.

Before ending this write-up I asked my mother, “What is it, that you want from life?”.

She said, “I want both my children to sleep peacefully every night and have a better tomorrow every day.”

Without the fear of attack

Image Credits: pixabay.com

                                                                                                       

“Sneha, you don’t just wear what you feel like, you don’t dress how you want, and you don’t just do as you please. Don’t ask me why, you know the answer. Yes, it’s all because you are a woman! Do you get that??? You are a woman!! Face it.” said the woebegone Rohini, ending her harangue.

“Mom first of all, I know I am a woman. I have known this from the time I have gathered my senses. But what I don’t get is your discrepancy. Are you being funny? What does being a woman have got to do with the way I look, dress or do stuff. I am 22 and I am sort of tired of your nay-say. I think you are jealous because I look way sexier than you did when you were my age”, detonated the snappy Sneha.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

All she wanted to go was for an office party. Sneha worked at a media agency as a client servicing executive and she wanted to look elegant and classy. So what if her dress was backless of if her dress was a little short. She looked nice and the people at the party are great guys who wouldn’t harm her or gaze at her in an offensive way. Her Brother will drop her and bring her back home too, so what is the big deal? But she knew that she has spoken way too far and she decided to quickly change into jeans and a stupid top which comes in her mother’s category of decent.

That moment Sagar, Sneha’s older brother enters the room and comments, “You girls dress that way and invite crude remarks and then you pretend to feel offended and cry. Wake up and smell the coffee behna; that dress makes you look like a slut!!

“That’s enough Sagar, I won’t hear such words ever again in my house!”, screamed Rohini.

“Ah well, now I get it! He is one amid the lewd men who pass such comments on women, there is no other way you could have said such things to me. I dress the way I do because I look good that way. I don’t roam naked carrying a Flash Card saying, “ I am naked, come attack me”. No I don’t. Showing a little bit of skin is not slutty. It means you are in love with yourself and that you love the way you look. I don’t want to dress shabbily because some random pervert is undressing me in his mind. Why is being a woman in India an unfortunate thing? Why can’t I walk alone on the streets at midnight listening to my favourite songs, why can’t I travel around and experience new things in life, why can’t I have the right to say what I want? Why?"

“Omigod Sneha, Do you or don’t you want to go for this party, said Rohini wearily.

“No, I don’t!!” exploded Sneha and slammed the door on their faces.

How many of you lovely girls can relate to this?

Meanwhile in a different place at a different time:

Image Credits: pixabay.com

Mallika was travelling late after work. She had stopped to meet her bed-ridden grandmother on her mother’s request. It took a longer time at Grandma’s place than anticipated. She needed to take an auto to her house and so she had to take a lonely passage way to the main road from the locality. She met a gang of goons who robbed her of her modesty and humility. Mallika was dressed decently in salwar kameez and she didn’t look slutty either. Then why was she attacked?

Over a period of time, I have been hearing a lot of statements from politicians and opinion makers one after the other blaming a rape victim for what she went through. If she is dressed in a certain way she is inviting rape. But what about the rural rape cases? According to a News Report from a popular daily, 75% of the rapes that led to convictions over the last 26 years came from Rural India. Why has it outnumbered the Urban India in this regard? After all the common perception is that it’s the women in urban India who have lost their roots, show their skin and attract the male population towards them.  There have been further statements from these opinion makers that item songs and sleazy looking women on TV are also the reasons for rape and that they should be banned. Doesn’t that clearly show the muckiness in one’s mind? A dance form performed by an artist is to entertain the audience and to make sure that the movie becomes a hit. It is not to form sludge thoughts in one’s mind about women.

I want you to ponder on this; does a woman get molested because she is works late-night, wearing a knee-length backless dress and doing what she has dreamt of live long? 

Image Credits: pixabay.com

Is there an end to this cruelty? Will there come a time when a woman can roam about the city freely without the fear of attack? Will there come a time when a woman chooses to wear what she wants without the fear of attack? Will there come a time when a woman is permitted to say what she wants without the fear of attack?

Will there come a time when a woman’s dreams are not questioned without the fear of attack?

Note: I would like to personally thank each one of you for the encouragement and support shown on my previous post. If any of you have any opinions on this post, please post a comment or connect with me on namrata.vinod9790@gmail.com

Be with you lovely ladies real soon....until then, continue dreaming J